Life is a process.
NOW is all in. NOW represents your history and your hopes, fears, and expectations for the future. Ideally, we use the past constructively to influence future outcomes. Moving on up.
Here in the real world, it does not happen so much.
How come that happens?
Some of the unpleasant past experiences dominate. Recall Daniel Kahneman. A bad outcome weighs twice as heavily as a good outcome of the same dimension.
Failures, lack of insight or experience, liabilities, abuse, neglect, hurt, blindness, and unfairness all get in the way. For many people these can displace their achievements, well-learned lessons, accumulated assets and competence.
When you let the bad past be dominant, the future is impaired. For any of several reasons:
If you use the past to give you an excuse for the present and the future, you are doomed. An excuse is a lie with a reason attached. Most commonly, that reason is wrong.
Acting, based on history, excuses and often validates bad things. Take a simple example that you can hear from half the teenagers in the world. “I am bad at math. I always get low marks. That is why I got 37% on the test.” The history provides an excuse for the present and it predicts the same failed outcome in the future. It is both circular reasoning and it is self-fulfilling. Not real smart.
Suppose a Martian arrives and objectively evaluates the circumstances in NOW. Suppose further that he has no idea how they came to be. Would he act differently to control the future than would the person who knew the history?
You would like to say, “No, he would act the same way exactly.” However, you cannot honestly say that.
The Martian would see only the deficiencies in NOW when evaluated against the future. He would choose to remedy them. Since he would have no idea how the deficiencies came to be and no personal investment in them, he could not be able to rationalize any deficient approach to the future.
The defense is a bit fussy, but it works.
Things are not so threatening when you can see the priorities and the time line. Doing everything at once is not possible and it causes people to lose focus. Work on the things you can.
What are you doing about what you want.
Take a Martian look at the reasons you have presented. Explain the reasons for what goes on in the present in your terms.
Find ways to attach money and time resources with the future wants. I know budget is a bad word. Use short-term plan instead. You can change a plan when you have more information. Budgets are ground into granite.
You might need some help with this. Excessive independence may be a carry forward from your past. Don’t get caught there.
Only one question left.
What are you going to do about it?